My heart is breaking....

April 23, 2014 Update:
My sweet little girl left this Earth this morning at 9:45am. I am beyond devastated. I appreciate everyone's kind words and sympathies. I may be absent from my blog for a bit. Punkins wasn't just a pet, she was a joy to my life and a friend. Tomorrow we leave for Spain and I am hoping it will do us some good. It is so hard to be in the house without her sweet meows being heard around the house. Again, I sincerely thank you for your kind words.....
Jamie

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April 22-
I had a post planned for tomorrow, seeing as it is our 9 year anniversary but I received some devastating news a few hours ago and figured it best to just write. The vet just told me that my 8 year old best friend, Punkins, has an inoperable liver tumor. They didn't even do an x-ray, she was so confident that it was the end for my little girl. I was alone at the vet. I just figured it would be a case of a UTI and the vet would send us home with antibiotics. I literally just broke down and walked out into the waiting room of strangers and burst into tears. Holding my little girl in my arms and rocking her back and forth, I called Van in between sobs and asked to him to come and get us.

I couldn't believe it. 5 days ago, Punkins started acting really strange. She only would pee outside her litter box. She has done this on occasion but I really just thought she was just ditsy because she would pee just over the edge of her box. But a few days ago, I knew something was different. I had noticed that she wasn't eating as much but I just attributed it to Van and I giving her more cheese and ham whenever we had it out in the kitchen. And then I gave her her yearly haircut ( a lion's cut ..google it) and I noticed her skin was terrible looking. Very thin and dehydrated. After cutting her hair, I noticed that she wouldn't sit down all the way, again attributing this to a possible UTI. Not a tumor.

On Saturday, she started to distress cry while looking at her water bowl. I knew something was wrong but I decided to try and feed her some tuna and other wet cat food to keep her hydrated. And she loved it. She still was peeing on the bathroom floor and still distress crying so I made an appointment for today. She was looking more pitiful today and I was glad for the quick appointment. And that's when I received the news no pet owner wants to hear. She has a huge mass and is inoperable.

How had the doctors not seen this 6 months prior? Why did I not see signs sooner? Am I a bad pet owner? How can I live with myself? How can I live without her?

I am completely devastated and praying that the second opinion in the morning is a positive one. I can't bear to lose my lady. As she sleeps on my lap right now, I can't stop the tears. I now know why she has been crying the past few days and I can't bear to see her in this pain. I know what the right thing to do is but I just can't accept it right now. And not to mention, we have a 7AM flight to Spain Thursday. I can't leave my dying baby with friends. But do I let her go this quickly? The first vet says yes. My heart says hold out for a miracle. And my brain says give your baby peace.

How do I say goodbye to the most perfect cat in the world?

My best friend. My little lovebug.

Oh my heart.....





20 comments

  1. I'm so sorry! That's always news you never want to hear.

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    1. I sincerely appreciate your concern during this devastating time. I have updated the post with news of Punkins passing.

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  2. Poor little thing. I am SO sorry. This is devastating news. I'm definitely thinking of you and sweet little Punkins.

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    1. I sincerely appreciate your concern during this devastating time. I have updated the post with news of Punkins passing.

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    1. I sincerely appreciate your concern during this devastating time. I have updated the post with news of Punkins passing.

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  4. I'm so so sorry :( How horrible. I hope for you and Punkins that the second vet has good news <3

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    1. I sincerely appreciate your concern during this devastating time. I have updated the post with news of Punkins passing.

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  6. So so sorry that's awful, fingers crossed the second opinion is much more positive for you both

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    1. I sincerely appreciate your concern during this devastating time. I have updated the post with news of Punkins passing.

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  7. I will be thinking of y'all, and sweet gorgeous Punkins.

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    1. I sincerely appreciate your concern during this devastating time. I have updated the post with news of Punkins passing.

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  8. :( so so sorry for your loss! our pets are absolutely our family. hopefully your vacation took it off your mind at least a little bit.

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    1. Thank you! The vacation certainly helped a little.

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  9. I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my baby last year and I'm scared of losing my other baby, Shadow, but he's doing great now, thankfully.
    It's really difficult, and until now I'm missing him.. and I can't help crying whenever I think of Shadow..
    Why can't they have longer lives like us?

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    1. Thank you Teresa. I really am trying o focus on the blessing that she was to my life and not how much I miss her. She really was my soulmate and it is hard to imagine my life without her.

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  10. Oh, honey. I just don't even know what to say. I'd give you a great big hug if I could and listen to you tell stories about Punkins. That's all I wanted to do when I lost my first animal-baby. I'll be thinking about you!

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